I have been wanting to sit down and write for weeks now but the days keep passing so quickly. Whenever I have a peaceful moment to myself, I have to choose very wisely what I want to do. Eat, shower, workout, do yoga, bake, write, clean, etc. I don’t have the time to do it all anymore! I’m learning to surrender and go with the flow and accept that sometimes the house is going to be a mess and I may not be able to shower or do yoga everyday, but it’s all good. I can’t believe it’s already been almost two months since Ava was born! What a journey it’s been so far! Sometimes it’s hard for me to imagine what life was like without her. Woody and I have fallen into a groove as parents and life has been flowing so smoothly and naturally. It’s not easy, that’s for sure! But, I feel like we have a good flow going on. I’m so grateful we have each other. I can’t imagine doing this alone.
The first two weeks after Ava was born were the most intense. I was recovering from a super strenuous labor and was super swollen, bruised and sore from my stitches. I could barely move or get out of bed. I felt like I had been run over by a truck! And my body felt so strange not being pregnant anymore. The emptiness I felt in my belly left me feeling breathless. It was hard to walk. I spent the first several days in bed nursing Ava, sitting on ice packs and taking sitz baths. I got my placenta encapsulated and began taking that on about the 3rd day postpartum. My emotions were all over the place. My heart was bursting with love for Ava and I felt like I had never been happier. But, I was also so, so sad. I felt super disconnected from Woody for some reason which broke my heart, because I felt like I should have been feeling just the opposite. Woody had to remind me that we were experiencing a major shift in priorities and it would take time for things to settle. I tearfully told him that we at least had to make sure we didn’t go a whole day without sharing a hug and a kiss. I cried about almost everything for the first couple weeks. I was just feeling so wide open, tender and raw. A part of me was really missing being pregnant and was kind of mourning the loss of that experience. It was an unbelievably special time of my life. And even though I had given birth to my beautiful baby and she was in my arms, I missed having her inside of me, safe and sound in the warmth of my womb. On top of all that, I got a gnarly case of mastitis (a breast infection caused by plugged milk ducts) at about a week postpartum. I had a fever of 104.4! I ended up having to take antibiotics which I felt so terrible about because I was worried Ava and I would get thrush. We didn’t, thankfully. Since then, I got mastitis again but since I already had it and knew what to look for, I was able to catch it early and I got rid of it in two days with rest, herbs, water, warm compresses, massage and nursing tons. I didn’t get a fever the second time I got it either. But, it is super painful and no joke! Hopefully, that was the last time I’ll ever have it.
After about three weeks postpartum, I started feeling a little more like myself. I felt like my body had recovered and I was way less emotional and tearful. I felt like I was starting to get the hang of being a mama and was becoming more confident. I’m googling things constantly (haha) but, I feel like the majority of mothering comes from instinct and intuition. Some days I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing! But, I’m learning. And Ava is teaching me. I love her and Woody and our little family so much that my heart feels too big and full to hold all that love! I feel like it’s just going to overflow or explode! It’s so excruciatingly beautiful.
For about the whole first month, I barely got out of the house at all (except for the trip to the clinic for my mastitis.) But, now I have begun venturing out and it feels so good! We took Ava out to dinner with friends, I got a haircut, we’ve been going out to the coast, going on walks, went to a baby shower...lots of fun stuff. Life feels so much more rich and colorful with a baby! And the journey has only just begun! I can’t wait to see how the rest of our life unfolds, but I am savoring each precious moment because I know it goes far too fast.
Now, get ready for baby Ava photo overload ;)
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the pictures of my snuggly little love bug! <3
Love and blessings <3